I Have to Remember {Five-Minute Friday}

Today I am joining my friends and Lisa-Jo again for Five Minute Friday. If you’re new here (welcome!) the rules are simple: Write, don’t edit, link your post to her page, and then share the encouragement like wildfire. You can do that, I know you can. 
The prompt this week is:  Remember

They told me to just forget it.

I have been told to just get over it.
Once I was told it didn't really matter in my life today.
Others have said it is time to move on and leave that part of me behind.

And I want to.  I wish I could forget all the times I hurt, I wish the memory of all the lies that I told myself would fade away. I have prayed for the slate in my mind to be wiped clean.

But I can't.  In fact I have learned that I have to remember.  That it is necessary for me to always remember,  I must remember the miry pit that He brought me from.  If I don't remember the sting of the hurtful words then I won't recognize the the relief He offered.  If I don't remember the battle in mind then I won't realize the sweetness of the victory.  If I don't remember the death I once desired I will never fully live the life I have been given.

It has become my calling, my burden , my passion to share my remembering with other so that they too can not only remember a pain or a hurt but also remember the peace and comfort of redemption He offers.

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I Am A Vessel

This is the last day of a study I have been doing on 2 Kings 4:1-7.  Last Saturday I told you that God had shown me that He does have His way of doing things. Then I continued to share all that He taught me like the fact that it isn't always a lack of faith  that throws us into a desperate situation.  Then on Tuesday we learned it just takes small flask of oil to bring about a miracle.  Finally Wednesday He reminded me that I do have a part to play in my own miracle and that if I do my part then God will do the rest.

All of those are building blocks that that we need to be able to take in the lesson He has for me to share today from the final verses of this passage.

4 Then go into your house with your sons and shut the door behind you. Pour olive oil from your flask into the jars, setting each one aside when it is filled.”

5 So she did as she was told. Her sons kept bringing jars to her, and she filled one after another.

6 Soon every container was full to the brim! “Bring me another jar,” she said to one of her sons. “There aren’t any more!” he told her. And then the olive oil stopped flowing.

7 When she told the man of God what had happened, he said to her, “Now sell the olive oil and pay your debts, and you and your sons can live on what is left over.”

Verse 5 says that she did as she was told: no questions, no whining, no complaining and no procrastination.  She simply did as God had told her through the prophet.  How many times does God tell me to go in and shut the door and I just do it ?  Not only did she do it but so did her sons.  So rather they understood or believed the widow and her husband had raised them with enough respect to follow their mothers lead.  As they bring her the jars she continues to pour and the oil continues to flow.  She does not even look up from her task.  She doesn't stop to count how many they have left to fill nor does she begin figure the value of the jars that were already filled.  We don't know how many hours she had sat there pouring and pouring before her son says “There aren’t any more!” but as soon as he says that the oil stops flowing.  God had filled all the vessels that they had brought.  He didn't short  them one jar not did he have the oil to continue to flow with no vessel to contain it, which would have been a waste.  However, I think if she had had 10 more, 100 more or even 1000 more vessels the oil would have still been running. 

I love the song Vessel by Chris Sligh

The chorus is:

Make me a vessel that you can always use

No matter how you break me, what I win or what I lose

Let me be a vessel pure and holy,

perfect in your eyes

Lord hear me when I cry for you to make me a vessel.

Just as God fill all the vessels with oil that the widow and her sons brought to Him, he will fill us if we are willing to offer ourselves. 

Are you giving yourself as a vessel to be filled by Him?  Is there and area of your life that you are not offering ?  Are there others in your life that you need to be bring to the Lord in prayer that they begin to see themselves as jars molded by the Master and needing to be filled ?



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It Isn’t a Lack of Faith

I am continuing a short series on what God has been teaching me about His ways.  As I learn more I am able to trust more and therefore lean more on Him in  my times of desparation.  You can read the beginning of this series here.


When I learned about my job situation I begin to ask God a lot of questions:

“Why?”

“Why now?” My whole family is serving you. I pray expectantly. I attend church regularly. I teach bible study. I work VBS. I am the women’s ministry director and I share my testimony at every opportunity.

“What are you trying to teach me? “

“Is this the result of a sin?”

“Where is my faith lacking?”

4:1 One day the widow of a member of the group of prophets came to Elisha and cried out, “My husband who served you is dead, and you know how he feared the Lord. But now a creditor has come, threatening to take my two sons as slaves.”

As I read 2 Kings 4:1, my heart breaks for this poor widow (and myself). Here she is not only a woman that has just lost her husband but before he passed they had become “a member of the group of prophets.” The best way I can describe this group of prophets (after much study) is to liken it to our modern day seminary. They had given up a lot to study under Elisha. We don’t know exactly but I imagine that they had to move, leave family and go into debt. After all of that, all of their dedication to want to serve the Lord the husband dies. Not only does the husband die but the creditors come to take her sons into slavery as debt payment. (think if you couldn’t pay your Visa bill that you would lose your kids)

Widow was not in this situation due to the fact that her family was rebellious against God. It doesn’t appear that this was any type of judgment against. And I don’t see that is was a situation brought on by their making a bad decision. Yet she does find herself, one who feared the Lord, in a desperate time.

We all find ourselves in times of desperate need. This is one of the ways God works.

I have always lifted up what my friend calls breathe prayers. You know the little short “I need this or God do that” type of prayer. Before I faced my various times of desperation I never knew what it was to cry out to God. To lie at the church alter with tears flowing as if from a faucet. What is was to cry to God for so long that I would lose my voice. There are times when I can’t imagine a way that things will work out but God has His way. I won’t say that I enjoyed walking through the valleys of my past nor the current one but I will tell you that I would not trade all He has did or all that he taught me for anything.



What desperate need are you facing? Can you accept it as His way? If not, then pray for God you show you His love, comfort and provision as you walk through this time.

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God has His Ways

Have you ever received some news that was so hard to hear that you feel as if you were punched in the stomach?

News that leaves you unable to speak?

New that when you hear it the words swirl like a tornado in your head then they move to stir up the dirt in your heart ?

Even though the words are there you just can’t seem to get them out. Not verbally or in writing. That is how I have been over the last 8 months. I learned late in 2011 that my job functions would be moved out of state in early 2013. Although I am thankful that the company has given me such a long notice the time does not quite to worry and concern. One of the hardest things I have struggled with is trying to understand God’s reasoning for allowing this to happen. I have questioned, “What am I to learn for this?” “How is this for my good?” and yes even the why question has entered my mind many times. Please don’t get me wrong I love my Lord and I KNOW that His ways are right/good. I have to admit that threre are many times I do not like his ways. I would rather his ways match my ideas of how things should be done. I want him to work quickly. I want him to work painlessly. I would rather that he work in such a manner that there is no way for me to wonder if it is really him or not.

A few days ago during my quiet time I turned in my bible to 2 Kings 4:1-7. In this passage God has taught me not only more about his ways but also more about his love and provisions.

Elisha Helps a Poor Widow (NLT)

4:1 One day the widow of a member of the group of prophets came to Elisha and cried out, “My husband who served you is dead, and you know how he feared the Lord. But now a creditor has come, threatening to take my two sons as slaves.”

2 “What can I do to help you?” Elisha asked. “Tell me, what do you have in the house?” “Nothing at all, except a flask of olive oil,” she replied.

3 And Elisha said, “Borrow as many empty jars as you can from your friends and neighbors.

4 Then go into your house with your sons and shut the door behind you. Pour olive oil from your flask into the jars, setting each one aside when it is filled.”

5 So she did as she was told. Her sons kept bringing jars to her, and she filled one after another.

 6 Soon every container was full to the brim! “Bring me another jar,” she said to one of her sons. “There aren’t any more!” he told her. And then the olive oil stopped flowing.

7 When she told the man of God what had happened, he said to her, “Now sell the olive oil and pay your debts, and you and your sons can live on what is left over.”

The four things I learned was:

1. My desperation is not directly due to a lack of faith.
2. God will provide for me out of what I already have.
3. God will do all that I can’t
4. God will fill only what I offer.

I plan to share more on each of these points in the days to come. But in the mean time here are a few questions for you to ponder.

What has God taught you in your time of desperation? Do you get angry with God in times of desperation?

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Anniversary Gifts

As I mentioned in this post last week, today is mine and my husband's 24th wedding anniversary. We agreed many years ago that we would no longer buy gifts for one another but instead would purchase something for the family to use. This year it is a small video camera. I also have a gift for one of you. See the end of this post for details.

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Mike and I had known each other most of our lives. We attended the same school, he had played football with my brother and we had some of the same friends. Finally one day when I was about 15 he stayed around after football practice for me to finish with band and asked me out. I quickly told him I would go out with him if he got a hair cut. (He claims now that is why he lost all the hair he had). That was late on a Thursday evening and when he showed up at school on Friday morning his hair was cut. That is when I know we might have something. We dated for the next three years and got married when I graduated from high school. As I told you in my last post the beginning few year we had our difficulties as we learned not only to live together but also to live with a new baby that was born just a year and 3 months after our wedding. As aggravating as the toothpaste was, we or should I say I had bigger issues that I had to deal with. As much as I knew Mike loved me, I still had trouble believing that I was lovable. As often as he told me I was beautiful I did not believe I was. No matter how much he praised my cook, cleaning, mothering or anything else I just did not feel I was good enough in any of these areas to keep him in the marriage. Therefore, every small disagreement became more than it should have been.

Most of the disruptions in our marriage came from the lies Satan had convinced me of. Lies that I continually told myself. It was not until 2002 in a small rural church when I was introduced to the Truth, to God that I was able to combat the lies that bombarded me daily. I can not say that I never have those thoughts, that I never speak a negative word to myself but I can let you know that with the Word of God-the Bible I have a sword to weld. I know that if it had not been for God and His words of truth we would not be celebrating 24 years today.

Here is what God says about you:

You are the temple of the Holy Spirit. 1 Cor. 6:19
You are the apple of His eye. Zec.2:8
You are in the palm of the Lord’s Hand Isa. 49:16
You are covered by the shadow of His Hand Isa. 51:6
You are loved by God as much as He loves Jesus John 17:23
You are complete in Him. Col.2:10
You are accepted in Him. Eph 1:6

I pray that you will hide these words (and more) in your heart to be able to fight the Father of Lies when he comes at you.

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Now, for my anniversary gift to one of you: Another book outside the Bible that has help me to fight this battle is "Soul Talk, Soul Talk" by Jennifer Rothschild. Jennifer has a message for every woman: Words are powerful. Especially the words women speak to themselves. All too often, what they say to themselves when they lie in bed at night or look in the mirror in the morning is not even close to the words God wants them to speak to their souls.

I have 3 ways for you to win Jennifer's book:
1) Leave a comment today telling me what you continue to tell yourself that you know is not a truth from God. I will pray for God to show you a specific promise in His word for you combat that lie with whenever it comes to you mind.
2) Become a follower of my blog through either Google Friend Connect or Networked Blogs on the left sidebar.
3) Share a link to my blog on either Facebook, Twitter, your own blog or all three.
**Winner will be picked at random on Friday, September 16,2011 at 12:00 PM CMT.**

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Aren't you Glad ???

These last few days/weeks I have felt a little under the weather. I have not been sick physically but just felt myself sinking into that depression pit of my past. I have fought it with all my human powers but it continues to swept over me like the waves in the oceans. So today I made it a point to find some quiet time to pray to and hear from God. I didn't know what verses to read or what words to pray so I sat in my comfy chair and cried. As the tears began to fall the weight on my heart began to lift and I opened my bible to Romans 5:8 " but God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (NIV) In this old familiar verse God reminded me that He loves me unconditionally.



Aren't you that God loves us unconditionally even when.....

• We neglect spending time alone with Him


• We are overwhelmed by all the things others have added to our "to do" list.


• We are frustrated and speak harshly to those around us.


• Our house is a mess and we have no desire to clean it.


• We don't give our spouses the attention they need, want and deserve.


• We feel the weight of the world pressing in on us


• We take our eyes off of Him and focus on our own wants and desire.

He love you and me no matter what life is coming at us.

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Part 2: More Junk

After my suicide attempt at 15, I tried to make my life better on my own. I began dating a wonderful man who is now my sweet loving husband. Although he helped me so much in those early years he would not be able to be the savior I needed. See, I had believed in my heart that if he married me then my life would be fulfilled. Soon after the honeymoon was over I realized that he was not the one that could fill that emptiness in my heart. It was like trying to put the square peg into the round hole. Mike did all that he humanly could to keep the junk out of my life but Satan keep send towards me from every direction. So again I tried to "fix" it on my own. I had a beautiful healthy baby boy. Little did I understand that each time I an attempt to clean out I only open myself open for Satan to add more guilt and shame in. I still had not learned the lesson. I attempted suicide 2 more times and gave birth to a little girl. I put on my perfect little mask as if everything was great when actually it was all falling apart inside me. I, me, myself had tried all that I could to make myself "right". I had turned to everyone around me expecting them to fill my needed but they did not because they could not. Finally one night about 8 years ago I called out to God not for him to help me but for Him to send me a friend, someone that could listen to me and help me. Although it was not the most sincere prayer ever prayed He still heard me and answered me. That dear friend that He sent to me in turn took me to back to Him by loving me and inviting me to church. One night after attending church regularly for about 3 months God touched my heart in such away that I could not turn away from Him. I know in that moment that He was the answer I had been looking for.
I dedicated myself to Christ and my life changed. I want to be sure that I do not leave with the impression that now my life is all wonderful with no more bouts of depression and not troubles because it is not. The change - the difference is now I have the peace to walk though those storms because I know that I have a Father looking over me. He has guided me to a wonderful doctor that has worked with my physical needs through medicine. I deal with the emotional needs with prayer and close Christian friends. But at the core of it all I realize that He has a plan for me and I have to stick around to fulfill that plan.
He has a plan for each of you also (Jer 29:11).

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My Junk Drawer

How many people have a “junk” drawer in their home? You know the drawer that holds all those things that you need only occasionally and some things that you are not if sure of what they are. I think my family has a junk drawer in every room. These drawers did not start out as junk drawer. They were just regular drawers that slowly day after day accumulate the junk of life and became what they are….junk drawers. I have tried many times to organize, rearrange and clean them out but they clutter up again.
As I was searching through one of those drawers today I realized what an analogy that drawer was for my earlier years. I grew up as normal and regular as you can be. I had a very loving and caring family with mom, dad, brother and sister. We were involved in church, school and community. Life was good for me. However, at around the age of 12 or 13 the junk of life started coming in. Self-doubt, worry, contempt, fear, and a multitude of other thoughts all bombarding me from various sources yet really all from the father of lies(junk), Satan. Eventually, just like a junk drawer or room, my life became out of control and overflowing from the junk. I knew I had to put a stop to Satan’s endless stream of junk but unfortunately at the age of 15 and with limited coping skills I made the only choice I thought I could. I decided to take my life but God had another plan. Although He spared my life that cold December night I still did not turn to Him to allow him to clean up my junk.




I will share the rest of my junk drawer at a later date as I am praying for God to lead to that next step.

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WHY???

I started this blog over a month ago with a certain purpose in mind. God had called me to began speaking. He called me to began sharing my testimony. Why ??? After about 18 months with no doors opening to speak He impressed on me to start this blog. Why ??? I believe the reason is to share my story. To tell how far he has brought me. Why ??? Will my story really matter ? Will I be able to find the words to fully express how much He has loved me. Why does He love me ??? In the few months. That question of Why, has been in the foremost front of my mind. I pray that in the next few days or weeks He will give me the words to adequately tell you all where I was, how He came to meet me there and how He has walked with me since.

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Faithful in little

"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'" Matthew 25:21

This week God has just knocked me over with a lesson I should have learned a long time ago. Back in the summer of 2008 God called me to to began sharing my story of depression, bi-polar, suicide attempts and His saving love, grace and mercy. I spoke a couple of times to our church during special services but God was calling me to do more. In December 2008 I finally agreed with God and even shared with my women's group that I was going to start a speaking ministry. Then I waited and waited and waited. I waited for the right words to come. I waited for an opportunity to speak to be opened to me but these things never came. I prayed for the last several months asking God why he called me to this ministry and then shut all the doors. I felt so lost and alone not able to hear His reply. Finally, early this week as I read the Parable of the Talents, a story I have heard and read since I was little I heard my answer for God. His direct and clear words were, " How can I trust you in the bigger ministry I have called you to if you are not faithful to the little things I have called you to." See there are things that God has told me to do such as speak to a certain person, buy someone groceries or spend more time with Him. These are the small things that I have not been faithful in so therefore, He has not given me the bigger calling. I compare it to a parent not allowing a child to go to a party because they have not fulfilled the agreement to clean their room. Since I have learned this lesson and taken it to heart by asking my Father to forgive me He has opened several doors.

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Welcome to Harmony!

I have been lead to write a blog for the last few months but felt very incompetent as I surfed through bloggerville read all the wonderful tales everyone has to share. The more I read the more the thoughts of, "Am I really capable of writing something that others would want to read and that will think deeper or feel more?" and " Will my words be adequate to be used by God to inspire, uplift and/or encourage other?" Because of my fears and doubts I just wrote in my personal journal but God continued to tug at my heart to share my stories with others. Once I finally said YES to God's calling I was stunned with the way He opened my heart and my eyes to all the ways He has taught and is still teaching my life lessons. It is my prayer that He will use these lessons, as I share them here, to bless you.

Once I came to agree with God about this blogging thing, I tried to find just the "right" title for it. All the other blogs I had been reading had either very cute, catchy or deeply meaningful titles. As I compiled my list I found that what I had come up with was either taken or they didn't really fit. Then one night as I was spending some quite time writing in my journal and praying God spoke to my heart "Living in Harmony". Why did I decide this was perfect title fit for my blog? Harmony is the name of the small community I have called home for the last 22 years. It is the place that God has truly grown my heart to desire to live in harmony with Him. So “Living in Harmony” has the double meaning of the physical place I live as well as the spiritual place I desire to live.
I would love to know about how others came up with the titles to their own place in the cyberspace. I think the title can tell a lot about the blogger and their passion/desire.

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