I Have to Remember {Five-Minute Friday}

Today I am joining my friends and Lisa-Jo again for Five Minute Friday. If you’re new here (welcome!) the rules are simple: Write, don’t edit, link your post to her page, and then share the encouragement like wildfire. You can do that, I know you can. 
The prompt this week is:  Remember

They told me to just forget it.

I have been told to just get over it.
Once I was told it didn't really matter in my life today.
Others have said it is time to move on and leave that part of me behind.

And I want to.  I wish I could forget all the times I hurt, I wish the memory of all the lies that I told myself would fade away. I have prayed for the slate in my mind to be wiped clean.

But I can't.  In fact I have learned that I have to remember.  That it is necessary for me to always remember,  I must remember the miry pit that He brought me from.  If I don't remember the sting of the hurtful words then I won't recognize the the relief He offered.  If I don't remember the battle in mind then I won't realize the sweetness of the victory.  If I don't remember the death I once desired I will never fully live the life I have been given.

It has become my calling, my burden , my passion to share my remembering with other so that they too can not only remember a pain or a hurt but also remember the peace and comfort of redemption He offers.

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Sharing the Dream

Holley's God-sized dream challenge for this week is, "find a God-sized dreams buddy in your everyday life or online. Share your God-sized dream with that person and ask for their encouragement and prayers on your journey."

"I hope it is okay that I volunteered you to make the dressing for the office Thanksgiving dinner. We need enough to feed about 25 people."  My sweet hubby said these words to me late one evening a little of a month after our wedding day.  He had not taken into consideration that I had never ever made dressing before in my 20 years of life.  I quickly called my mother-in-law to plead for her help.  She gave me a shopping list and told me to come to her house the next night and she would help me. 

WHEW!!!  What a relief. 

As I carried bags of ingredients I was really expecting her to take them and start mixing it all up then I would walk out with a finished pan of golden brown dressing.  Little did I know Nana had other plans.  She poured herself a tall glass of sweet tea, sat at the table and begin giving me directions.  I chopped, measured, mixed and baked one small pan of dressing.  She took one bite, "that's good but a little dry." She explained what I had done wrong. Again I chopped, measured, mixed and baked another small pan. "Better but needs more sage."  I was getting frustrated and very upset.  As I slumped in the chair next to her she gently placed her hand on my shoulder and assured me that I would get it. "Just try one more time."  So for the 3rd time I chopped, measured, mixed and baked.  This time she put a large spoonful on her plate and declared this pan to be perfect. 

Nana has spent the last five Thanksgivings at the banquet table in Heaven but each time I get ready to make the dressing I think of that night she spent hours teaching, instructing and encouraging me. 

I have been so bless to have different people pour love and knowledge in to various areas in my life. First is my sweet precious momma.  We had a difficult time in my teen years but through it all she taught me how to love with an unconditional love.  Then I have my best friend and ministry partner, Tricia, that is always just a phone call away to listen to all my ups and downs. Deb, another dear friend, that is just a little farther down the motherhood road than I am. She is the one that loves me with the greatest love yet she is there when needed to point out the times I am letting my emotions over run me.  These three along with a church full of other Godly ladies speak truth and light into my life in so many different ways. I also have had several professional mentors that have spent time with me to point out my strengths and weakness in the business world for my "real" job. 

Each and every one of these encourager/mentors have played a part in molding me into the person I am today. So as I looked back at Holley's challenge I realize that I have already met this challenge.  I have shared my dream with Momma, Tricia, Deb, Ladies bible study group, co-workers and here online.  Yet I feel God pushing to go a little deeper.  See all of these ladies love me, pray for me and encourage me.  They know my desire to serve God.  They know my story.  They know me.  Each one of them will do whatever they can to help make my God-sized dream of speaking/teaching God's word to become a reality.

However, there are the business aspects of ministry that many times we want to ignore. That is the area I lack direction and confidence in.  I struggle with if I am suppose to sit back and simply wait for God to open the door for speaking opportunities or if it is okay to do some marketing.  I don't have the answer to many questions on how to book events, what the best way to interact with event coordinators and many many more.  So as a next step towards my God-sized dream I am looking and praying for God to put someone in my life that not only shares this dream but has already brought it into reality.  Someone that is willing to walk along beside me as God's plan unfolds.

Do you have a Dream Team ? What types of different support strengths does your team offer you? Is the an area that you need more assistance and encouragement in ?

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God Sized Dreams -- Next Step

{I recently came across Holley Gerth’s site where she invited us to begin thinking what our God-sized dreams are. Last Tuesday, I began following her God-Sized dreams link up with this post.  So each week I will be journaling here about the dream God has given me and I would love for you to join me by sharing your dreams in the comments.}

 

I have worn glasses for as long as I can really remember but actually only since I was about 3 years old. I was born with Amblyopia or what is more commonly known as 'lazy eye'.  Basically the muscles of my left eye were not strong enough to hold the eye straight.  As I got older the doctor told us there were surgeries they could do to correct it but they were not guaranteed to work.  The other option was glasses along with a wide array of exercises. Yes, exercises for eye muscles.  The first was to wear a patch of the 'good eye' in order to work the weaker muscles in the left eye.  I can not tell you how much I hated wearing that patch.  The tape caused my skin to itch, I would get headaches and to be honest it was just ugly.  I hated wearing it. 
 

However, the second exercise was fun and I enjoyed it.  The doctor had my dad to build me a beam that sat about 6 inches off the ground and was about 6 foot long.  Every evening I was to walk across that beam back and forth at least 25 times.  He instructed me not to be like the gymnast.  I was not to hold my head high walking with my feet perpendicular but instead I was to focus on watching my feet.  I needed to continually watch each step not worrying about how far it was to the end.  The point was to use that eye muscle by forcing it to focus on a specific spot, my feet. 
 

 

Last week after writing about my God-sized dream I began think of all that would have to happen before I could declare to myself that my dream was a reality.  It was a long, long list.  I was discouraged just thinking about.  I just wanted to quit before I even got started.  But I couldn't quit. I mean not only had I put it in writing but I posted here for the whole world to read. (Or at least the few family and friends that wonder by here on occasion).   So I knew I had to at least try to follow through. I decided I could use my balance beam exercise to help me move forward. 

Here is how:

• I will not approach my dream with my head held high but instead I will always keep it bowed in prayer for guidance.
• I will not set my eyes on the end and how far I have to go but instead I will just look to the one next step.
• I will not rush to quickly that I lose my balance and fall but instead I slow move as the Lord directs me to. 
• When I do finally get to the end I will turn around and begin again.

I have taken a couple of small steps this past week. With the left foot I stepped forward to spend more time in bible study that will later become messages that I can share with women that will encourage them in their God-sized dreams. Then with the right foot I took a step to speak to a group of about 25 ladies on the subject of Joy. It is time to take a breath and bring the left foot forward again and focus on the next small step, to be consistent in posting encouraging words here on the blog, my facebook page and twitter. Then I will add the next step of working to schedule another event.

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God-Sized Dreams

God-sized Dream = A desire in your heart for

more of what God has for you. ~~ Holley Gerth

 

 

 

Last week this post from author Holly Gerth popped in my inbox.  I normal let a few stack up and then read them all at one time but the title "God-sized Dreams & The “Do What You Can” Plan" made my heart almost skip a beat.  She explained that a God sized dream has nothing to do with the size of the dream but more with the desire of the heart. 

 

Today I am joining Holley and her "Dream" team in sharing my God-sized dream but first let me give you a short of the background story:

 

My journey towards my God-sized dream began many years ago in high school when I need one more elective class to finish out my junior year.  I wanted to take an easy class that I wouldn't have to work to hard in.  So I signed up for the speech class.  I have never really had trouble talking in a group (it was the one-to-one conversations that scared me).  Standing in front of 18 students giving my final exam speech was the extend of my time at the podium.  That is until about 10 years ago.  Shirley walked up to me one Sunday evening after church and said, "You know we need a teacher in the kids Sunday School and I think you would be good at it.  Will you try it ?"  Before I knew what was happening I had said, "yes."  So a few weeks later once again I was standing in front of a class room and it just felt right.  I taught that class for two years.  I had gotten the routine of studying, preparing and teaching.  It became comfortable.  Almost to comfortable. 

 

One evening a young guest preacher was speaking at our church and the only words I remember coming from his mouth was, "when you are the most uncomfortable is when God is going to use you."  I knew then that God was calling me to move on to a new assignment.  The problem was I had no clue what that assignment would be.  But again the answer came from Him through a church friend when I was asked to help teach the adult ladies class.  WOW !!!!  teaching kids is one thing but teach women many of who were so much more mature in their faith is something totally different. As I sat at the front of this class my lip quivered.  I broke out in a sweat. But the words flowed and it felt right. Once again I became familiar with the role and at easy.  I am still teaching that class to as we began to read through the Chronological Bible for the third year.  God has blessed me so much through the study and the ladies that I am humbled to lead.  As much as I love digging into His Word with my sister I feel a tug at my heart to step out of the comfort zone I am in. 

 

So here it goes.....my God-sized dream is to share all that God has taught me in my roller coaster journey through my depression to His joy.  I want to share it in one on one conversations as well as the larger group presentations.  God planted this dream seed in my heart several years ago. Slowing He has been watering it through the encouraging words of others.  He then pruned it by opening my eyes to the true needs of others, showing me that it wasn't about me. Now I believe it is time for some blooming to occur. 

 

Join me over at Holley's place to see all the God is doing through the dreams of women.

OK I have opened up and shared my God-sized dream so now it is your turn.  What is your dream?  Remember it is has nothing to do with size or scope and everything to do with heart and desire.

 

 

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Forget About it

"But forget all that --

it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.

For I am about to do something new.

See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?

I will make a pathway through the wilderness,

I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

Isaiah 43:18-19

There are a lot of things in all of our past, some good and some bad.  But God says to forget those things.  The mistakes we made have been wiped clean and are not to be the object of our focus anymore. The good in us is also nothing because He has so much more planned.  We are to lock our eyes forward, looking only to Him.  The wilderness we perceive to be in is all a part of His plan.  He is working even when do not see it or feel it but we have to trust His promise that He is making that pathway for us and as an added bonus He is going to give us a river to quench our dry mouth. 

Are you so busy twisting your neck around to try to get one last glimpse of past victories or hanging you head low in sorrow of past falls that you can't see the "something new" He is doing in your life?  Is God carving out a new pathway in your wilderness?  Tell us about it.  



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Zumba Exile

"Where are you ?  I have missed you and hope everything is okay"are

I just sat there staring at text message not really knowing how to reply.

It had been 3 weeks since we had seen each other.  I had not planned on being MIA for that long. In fact I had not planned on being missing at all.  Over the last 6 months it had been our routine to get together 4-5 times a week  My absence was just one of those things that came up slowly.  After I missing the first couple of days having to work late and take care of some things at home the next few days was easier.  Before I knew it a week had passed.  I had no excuse.  No reason except that I was embarrassed for missing so long.  Ashamed of the fact that I was slacking, that I was falling back into my old habits.  I didn't want to face the ladies that had spent months encouraging me and helping me along the way.  Those feelings not only kept me out the second week but also on into the third.  Yesterday, I decided to face the awkwardness of missing all those weeks and return to my Zumba class.  It was so good to be back.  Once I heard the first note of the first song a smile came across my face.  By the end of the class I was enjoying it again. I could not believe that I had spent so much time away. 

My self imposed exile made me think about the children of Israel.  Our ladies bible study has been reading through the One Year Chronological Bible for the last couple of years.  It has really opened my eyes to how little we really know about the Old Testament.  As children we hear the miraculous stories of Moses leading the children out of Egypt, going through the desert and finally into the promised land.  However, once they get in the land of milk and honey we tend to just leave them there and up forward to the New Testament.

The Israelites had everything God had promised them yet they still turned away away from Him and to the idols of others.  After generations of this downward spiral in 586 BC Israel was sent into exile.  Then in 538 BC a few of them begin coming back with Zerubbabel, then Ezra brought back another group, and finally Nehemiah asked the king if he could return.  He had been greived that the wall of protection had fallen and not yet been rebuilt. The king granted his request.  Once he returned he organized the people and the wall was rebuilt in just 52 days.  After the task was completed the people all gathered together.

Nehemiah 8:1 -- "all the people assembled with a unified purpose at the square just inside the Water Gate.  They asked Ezra to bring out the Book of the Law of Moses, which the Lord had give for Israel to obey."

Moses had commanded that every 7 years the Book of the Law be read however, that had not been done for quite some time.  We know that for a period of time the Book was lost because a servant of King Josiah had found it somewhere in the Temple.  This means that Moses' instructions to read the word as a reminder of who God was and why they should follow Him had not been done since even before the exile.  There were a few like Daniel and his friends that continued to follow God even through their time in Babylon, but we can assume that there were some in the crowd with Nehemiah had never heard God's word before. The people stood and listend intently as Ezra read the word from daybreak until noon. So for 5-6 hours they listened to God speak to them. Remember I told you that my groups is in the process of reading through the Old Testament for the second time and I have to tell you that listening closely is not an easy thing to do.  Especially to Leviticus.  Yet these people sat and just soaked it up.  They were so thirsty to hear from God.   After Ezra had finished reading :

It is here that we see the mercy of the exile.  Before exile, the people had not just become rebellious but they were really just indifferent to God and his laws.  The time spent in exile that retenderized their hearts toward God.  They began seeking after Him.  Now they are responding in agreement with God by bowing down and worshipping Him. 

Put yourself in their shoes. Think of all the emotional baggage that the Israelites brought back with them: on one hand they are excited but on the other hand nervous, proud to be going back yet ashamed that they ever had to leave and thankful that God is returning them but wondering if He will still accept them.  In the mist of all these emotions they just begun to weep and worship.  In the reading of God's word their eyes were opened as to how far they had pulled away from the Lord.

Do you have the same emotional baggage as the Israelites?  Are you afraid you have been in exile for to long or to far away to come back ?  Do we allow the word to bring us to a point of recognizing where we have fallen? 



Nehemiah 8:6 -- "Then Ezra praised the Lord, the great God, and all the people chanted, 'AMEN!! AMEN!!' as they lifted their hands. Then they bowed down and worshipped the Lord with their faces to the ground."

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Calling Confirmation

This past weekend (May 15-16,2010) a very good friend, Tricia Russell, and I attended the Extraordinary Women's Conference in Birmingham, Alabama.

IT WAS AWESOME !!!!!

God showed up in every way.

First let me tell you how we were able to attend this conference at the last minute. Since T.R. and I will be attending Proverb 31's She Speaks in July we had decided we would save a little money and not attend E-Women this year. The Monday night before E-Women came to town, Lysa TerKeurst, the president of P31, left a post that they would be giving away 2 tickets to a randomly drawn reply. Not really believing I would win I just left a short little comment. Later that evening I found out that I had in fact won. Of course I called Tricia the first thing the next morning. told her to get a sitter cause we were going.

We knew from the first note played on Friday night that we were there by divine appointment and we were going to see God move in mighty ways. I wish I had the time, space and words to tell you all that God did through each speaker, each song and each sponsor but I mainly want to share with you where God took us during lunch break on Saturday.

Because we had won the tickets we did not get the boxed lunch that was offered so we had to leave the complex to get something to eat on Saturday. Due to me have a little brain hiccup and not being able to tell my right from my left we ended up getting on the interstate going the opposite way than we had planned. So we decided to just make the best of it and was heading to McDonald's. As we came around the block to turn to Micky D's we were stopped but a construction roadblock. Once again we had to go to our back-up plan and we went on around the next block to Burger King. As we walking in we sort of questioned if we should stay because it wasn't the cleanest, the line was long, and the staff was no moving to quickly. However, since we were limited on time we decided we would just stay and make the best of it. After a couple of minutes of standing there and couple and their friend came in behind us. As we all stood there waiting and waiting the gentleman just started joking and carrying on with us. He asked us what we were doing in town and we began to tell him about the conference. He told us that he and his wife were both in the ministry. As we continued to tell him about the speakers we found out that his wife was the managing editor of a Christian publishing company. That just blew us away. See T.R. has been working over the last few years to write a book but none of us really knew anything about the publishing business. We decided that even though we only had a short time we were going to stay and share lunch with our new found friends. This couple was such an encouragement to us, not because she was a publisher but because they loved the Lord so much and that came through in the way they shared with us. This couple just sat with us and listened to our hopes, dreams and concerns.

At a time when both of us had begun to throw out all those questions that seem to come in a time of waiting:

Did I really hear from God?

Am I really the one He wants?

Can I do this?

Am I qualified?

An on and on and on..

God sent to us the sweetest couple to confirm what He has already done in our lives and what He will do in the future. In His timing.

(This is just the period and the end of the story)

Because we had sat and talked with them for so long we were late getting back to the conference. We were afraid that we had missed the concert by Mark Schultz but it turned out that there had been some technical prblems and was just playing the first song we we slipped into our seats.

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Calmed Nerves

Last week was full ( that is the easiest way to say it). The days were packed with month end financial close on my "real paying job", learning a new task at said "real paying job", decorating the church sanctuary and fellowship hall for a community wide Women's conference, purchasing food for the conference luncheon, preparing my testimony to be given at the conference and still doing all my wife and motherly duties. Because of all these things by Saturday I was just full of nervousness. I was to the point of making myself sick so I went to a restroom out of the major traffic to try to gather myself some. I wanted to be alone but I wasn't. Nope. No matter where I went I wasn't alone because He was with me and when I was finally still and quiet He spoke to me. He reminded me that this conference was not mine. Successful or not the conference out come had NOTHING to do with the decorations, the food, the music, the dramas or the words spoken but had everything to do with the hearts that He would touch. Hearts the He had already been dealing with. Once He spoke those words to my heart I walked out of the restroom and the whole atmosphere of the building was different. My nerves were calm and I was ready to be fully used for His glory.

Since I was the last of three speakers I was able to just sit back, relax and be amazed watching Him work, watching His Spirit move from one lady to another. I know that He cared enough to meet me in a small restroom just to calm my fear and nerve.

PS. Just wanted to add a little THANK YOU to all that prayed for me and for this event. This was the first speaking event that I have had and your prayers were truly felt. There were about 65 ladies that heard how God will walk you through any storm from hopelessness to hope filled. ( There were also about 10 men that were there to help run sound, fix lunches and park cars that listened too)

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Your Comfort or His Calling

There is a small store front church on Main Street in our small town. This church always has some of the most thought provoking quotes on their sign. The quote I noticed this morning has been stuck in my mind, “God is more concerned with you calling than He is with your comfort.” I believe the reason this has really gotten to me is because I have been tossing and turning God’s calling on my life over in my mind the last couple of weeks. I have tried to blame these unsettling feelings on Satan but after reading that sign I think God may be trying to make me focus more on my calling than my comfort. As I have mentioned before about 2 years ago God called me to begin speaking to women. He has called me to share my testimony and encourage others that they are worthy in Him. I was fine with that calling as long as it was just a calling that I was working towards. However, my calling is becoming real now. I have my first speaking event scheduled for March and now I am not so comfortable. I have had all sort of doubts, fears and worries flow in and out of my head. There are things that I had not originally written in my testimony that He is telling me to share. Things that I am not comfortable with yet. The church sign stands as reminder that I am to follow His calling and He will handle the rest. Please pray for me to continue chose to follow His calling rather than settle in my comfort.
Which do you chose – calling or comfort? What things make you uncomfortable in following in His calling on your life? How can I pray for you this week

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Listen and you will hear

I grew up in church even though I did not become a true follower of Christ until I was 32 years old. I had always heard people in church talk about how God had told them such and such. They would go on and on about God speaking to them. Once I became a Christian and began reading the Bible I read all the various stories of God give instructions to the men and women. Once I realized that God does speak to His children then I desired to hear from Him but I did not know how. It seemed all my time with Him was one-sided, me speaking to Him. I would pray praises, thanksgiving and even my request but I did not ever hear Him speak. There would be time that I would determine in my heart to hear God speak so I would take the time to sit still and be quiet waiting on a word, just one word. However, it would just be silence and I would get discouraged and walk away. Then one day my bible study brought me to the small Old Testament book of Habakkuk.

Habakkuk was a man that was desperate to hear from God. He not only wanted to hear from God but he expected that God would speak to him. At first it did not appear that Habakkuk would ever hear God speak but he never gave up. Habakkuk did get discouraged but he never gave up on waiting for God’s word to come to him. Little did Habakkuk know that while he was waiting and wanting to hear from God, God was already working. HAB 1:5 - Look among the Nations! Observe! Be astonished! Wonder! Because I am doing something in your days- You would not believe if you were told.

Even we do not hear from God directly He is still working in our lives. Like I said I wanted to hear from God but I was not sure how. Once I quit trying myself to hear from God but instead I just spent time with Him in prayer and in studying His word is when I did finally hear Him speak nuggets of wisdom to my heart. Now I look for Him to speak to me daily in various ways. Sometimes it was just nudges in my mind of things I should do; sometimes it is in things I remember, in dreams, in nature and even in the words of others around me.

Do you expect Christ to speak to you? Do you know that no matter how long you have to wait to hear that He is already at work?

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Calling of a father’s heart

I wrote yesterday about Mike’s heart attack two years ago. I spent those first few days in a semi-shock think what would I have done if he had not made it. (He was only 42 at the time). I have to admit that my thoughts were mainly selfish. I worried about how I would provide for my two children, how would I manage the household, and so many other things. I just did not know how I would carry on. Three days after Mike’s heart attack the nurse had taken him for more testing when the News reported the 2 ½ year old son of a famous local radio personality had drowned the evening before. William Bronner Burgess, son of Rick and Sherri Burgess (The Rick and Bubba Show) had found his way out to the family pool and drowned. I listen to the Rick and Bubba show every morning and they feel at least like friend if not family. As I heard the story continue to unfold, even today, I realize that my concern in facing Mike’s potential death should not have been for myself or even for Mike because our security and salvation were already in Christ. My concern needed to focus on those that are having heart attacks each day whose salvation is not secure. I should hold things and people here on earth with an open hand. I should be willing to let go of it all if it draws one person to a saving faith.
I have not done the true message of Bronner’s death in any justice in my words. Please listen to the following youtube links to hear “A Father’s Heart”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PUHUZWyFeg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7aNDixS2J0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUT8Bk6Ou90
Sherri Burgess has started writing a new blog that is worth visiting:
http://sherriburgess.blogspot.com/
Always remember that if Jesus came only to save us He would have taken us to heaven immediately but He has left us here to be about His business of preaching the Gospel and revealing Him to the world

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Part 2: More Junk

After my suicide attempt at 15, I tried to make my life better on my own. I began dating a wonderful man who is now my sweet loving husband. Although he helped me so much in those early years he would not be able to be the savior I needed. See, I had believed in my heart that if he married me then my life would be fulfilled. Soon after the honeymoon was over I realized that he was not the one that could fill that emptiness in my heart. It was like trying to put the square peg into the round hole. Mike did all that he humanly could to keep the junk out of my life but Satan keep send towards me from every direction. So again I tried to "fix" it on my own. I had a beautiful healthy baby boy. Little did I understand that each time I an attempt to clean out I only open myself open for Satan to add more guilt and shame in. I still had not learned the lesson. I attempted suicide 2 more times and gave birth to a little girl. I put on my perfect little mask as if everything was great when actually it was all falling apart inside me. I, me, myself had tried all that I could to make myself "right". I had turned to everyone around me expecting them to fill my needed but they did not because they could not. Finally one night about 8 years ago I called out to God not for him to help me but for Him to send me a friend, someone that could listen to me and help me. Although it was not the most sincere prayer ever prayed He still heard me and answered me. That dear friend that He sent to me in turn took me to back to Him by loving me and inviting me to church. One night after attending church regularly for about 3 months God touched my heart in such away that I could not turn away from Him. I know in that moment that He was the answer I had been looking for.
I dedicated myself to Christ and my life changed. I want to be sure that I do not leave with the impression that now my life is all wonderful with no more bouts of depression and not troubles because it is not. The change - the difference is now I have the peace to walk though those storms because I know that I have a Father looking over me. He has guided me to a wonderful doctor that has worked with my physical needs through medicine. I deal with the emotional needs with prayer and close Christian friends. But at the core of it all I realize that He has a plan for me and I have to stick around to fulfill that plan.
He has a plan for each of you also (Jer 29:11).

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My Junk Drawer

How many people have a “junk” drawer in their home? You know the drawer that holds all those things that you need only occasionally and some things that you are not if sure of what they are. I think my family has a junk drawer in every room. These drawers did not start out as junk drawer. They were just regular drawers that slowly day after day accumulate the junk of life and became what they are….junk drawers. I have tried many times to organize, rearrange and clean them out but they clutter up again.
As I was searching through one of those drawers today I realized what an analogy that drawer was for my earlier years. I grew up as normal and regular as you can be. I had a very loving and caring family with mom, dad, brother and sister. We were involved in church, school and community. Life was good for me. However, at around the age of 12 or 13 the junk of life started coming in. Self-doubt, worry, contempt, fear, and a multitude of other thoughts all bombarding me from various sources yet really all from the father of lies(junk), Satan. Eventually, just like a junk drawer or room, my life became out of control and overflowing from the junk. I knew I had to put a stop to Satan’s endless stream of junk but unfortunately at the age of 15 and with limited coping skills I made the only choice I thought I could. I decided to take my life but God had another plan. Although He spared my life that cold December night I still did not turn to Him to allow him to clean up my junk.




I will share the rest of my junk drawer at a later date as I am praying for God to lead to that next step.

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WHY???

I started this blog over a month ago with a certain purpose in mind. God had called me to began speaking. He called me to began sharing my testimony. Why ??? After about 18 months with no doors opening to speak He impressed on me to start this blog. Why ??? I believe the reason is to share my story. To tell how far he has brought me. Why ??? Will my story really matter ? Will I be able to find the words to fully express how much He has loved me. Why does He love me ??? In the few months. That question of Why, has been in the foremost front of my mind. I pray that in the next few days or weeks He will give me the words to adequately tell you all where I was, how He came to meet me there and how He has walked with me since.

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Faithful in little

"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'" Matthew 25:21

This week God has just knocked me over with a lesson I should have learned a long time ago. Back in the summer of 2008 God called me to to began sharing my story of depression, bi-polar, suicide attempts and His saving love, grace and mercy. I spoke a couple of times to our church during special services but God was calling me to do more. In December 2008 I finally agreed with God and even shared with my women's group that I was going to start a speaking ministry. Then I waited and waited and waited. I waited for the right words to come. I waited for an opportunity to speak to be opened to me but these things never came. I prayed for the last several months asking God why he called me to this ministry and then shut all the doors. I felt so lost and alone not able to hear His reply. Finally, early this week as I read the Parable of the Talents, a story I have heard and read since I was little I heard my answer for God. His direct and clear words were, " How can I trust you in the bigger ministry I have called you to if you are not faithful to the little things I have called you to." See there are things that God has told me to do such as speak to a certain person, buy someone groceries or spend more time with Him. These are the small things that I have not been faithful in so therefore, He has not given me the bigger calling. I compare it to a parent not allowing a child to go to a party because they have not fulfilled the agreement to clean their room. Since I have learned this lesson and taken it to heart by asking my Father to forgive me He has opened several doors.

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Welcome to Harmony!

I have been lead to write a blog for the last few months but felt very incompetent as I surfed through bloggerville read all the wonderful tales everyone has to share. The more I read the more the thoughts of, "Am I really capable of writing something that others would want to read and that will think deeper or feel more?" and " Will my words be adequate to be used by God to inspire, uplift and/or encourage other?" Because of my fears and doubts I just wrote in my personal journal but God continued to tug at my heart to share my stories with others. Once I finally said YES to God's calling I was stunned with the way He opened my heart and my eyes to all the ways He has taught and is still teaching my life lessons. It is my prayer that He will use these lessons, as I share them here, to bless you.

Once I came to agree with God about this blogging thing, I tried to find just the "right" title for it. All the other blogs I had been reading had either very cute, catchy or deeply meaningful titles. As I compiled my list I found that what I had come up with was either taken or they didn't really fit. Then one night as I was spending some quite time writing in my journal and praying God spoke to my heart "Living in Harmony". Why did I decide this was perfect title fit for my blog? Harmony is the name of the small community I have called home for the last 22 years. It is the place that God has truly grown my heart to desire to live in harmony with Him. So “Living in Harmony” has the double meaning of the physical place I live as well as the spiritual place I desire to live.
I would love to know about how others came up with the titles to their own place in the cyberspace. I think the title can tell a lot about the blogger and their passion/desire.

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