I need to apologize for being gone for so long. I do not have any excuses but I will share with you my reasons:
1. After I finished my 2 prior post in which I shared my “junk”, I reviewed all that I had written and read the comments that I received in return and honestly I was just a bit overwhelmed. I was not expecting such tender loving responses for all of you. So I just had to take a little time to regain my thoughts.
2. Then the hussle and bussle of Christmas came. I spent time with family in a much more quiet and reflective way than we have in the past. It was so nice to move back closer to the true meaning of Christmas.
3. When I finally sat down to spend some time at the computer reconnecting, I discovered that my home computer has a severe virus. I delivered it to the repairman today and I am praying that it can be saved.
With all that said I plan to begin posting again later this week if I can borrow a computer or sneak some time on the office computer.
Infusing Harmony into Everyday Life
Showing posts with label junk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label junk. Show all posts
Monday, January 4, 2010
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Part 2: More Junk
After my suicide attempt at 15, I tried to make my life better on my own. I began dating a wonderful man who is now my sweet loving husband. Although he helped me so much in those early years he would not be able to be the savior I needed. See, I had believed in my heart that if he married me then my life would be fulfilled. Soon after the honeymoon was over I realized that he was not the one that could fill that emptiness in my heart. It was like trying to put the square peg into the round hole. Mike did all that he humanly could to keep the junk out of my life but Satan keep send towards me from every direction. So again I tried to "fix" it on my own. I had a beautiful healthy baby boy. Little did I understand that each time I an attempt to clean out I only open myself open for Satan to add more guilt and shame in. I still had not learned the lesson. I attempted suicide 2 more times and gave birth to a little girl. I put on my perfect little mask as if everything was great when actually it was all falling apart inside me. I, me, myself had tried all that I could to make myself "right". I had turned to everyone around me expecting them to fill my needed but they did not because they could not. Finally one night about 8 years ago I called out to God not for him to help me but for Him to send me a friend, someone that could listen to me and help me. Although it was not the most sincere prayer ever prayed He still heard me and answered me. That dear friend that He sent to me in turn took me to back to Him by loving me and inviting me to church. One night after attending church regularly for about 3 months God touched my heart in such away that I could not turn away from Him. I know in that moment that He was the answer I had been looking for.
I dedicated myself to Christ and my life changed. I want to be sure that I do not leave with the impression that now my life is all wonderful with no more bouts of depression and not troubles because it is not. The change - the difference is now I have the peace to walk though those storms because I know that I have a Father looking over me. He has guided me to a wonderful doctor that has worked with my physical needs through medicine. I deal with the emotional needs with prayer and close Christian friends. But at the core of it all I realize that He has a plan for me and I have to stick around to fulfill that plan.
He has a plan for each of you also (Jer 29:11).
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
My Junk Drawer
How many people have a “junk” drawer in their home? You know the drawer that holds all those things that you need only occasionally and some things that you are not if sure of what they are. I think my family has a junk drawer in every room. These drawers did not start out as junk drawer. They were just regular drawers that slowly day after day accumulate the junk of life and became what they are….junk drawers. I have tried many times to organize, rearrange and clean them out but they clutter up again.
As I was searching through one of those drawers today I realized what an analogy that drawer was for my earlier years. I grew up as normal and regular as you can be. I had a very loving and caring family with mom, dad, brother and sister. We were involved in church, school and community. Life was good for me. However, at around the age of 12 or 13 the junk of life started coming in. Self-doubt, worry, contempt, fear, and a multitude of other thoughts all bombarding me from various sources yet really all from the father of lies(junk), Satan. Eventually, just like a junk drawer or room, my life became out of control and overflowing from the junk. I knew I had to put a stop to Satan’s endless stream of junk but unfortunately at the age of 15 and with limited coping skills I made the only choice I thought I could. I decided to take my life but God had another plan. Although He spared my life that cold December night I still did not turn to Him to allow him to clean up my junk.
I will share the rest of my junk drawer at a later date as I am praying for God to lead to that next step.
As I was searching through one of those drawers today I realized what an analogy that drawer was for my earlier years. I grew up as normal and regular as you can be. I had a very loving and caring family with mom, dad, brother and sister. We were involved in church, school and community. Life was good for me. However, at around the age of 12 or 13 the junk of life started coming in. Self-doubt, worry, contempt, fear, and a multitude of other thoughts all bombarding me from various sources yet really all from the father of lies(junk), Satan. Eventually, just like a junk drawer or room, my life became out of control and overflowing from the junk. I knew I had to put a stop to Satan’s endless stream of junk but unfortunately at the age of 15 and with limited coping skills I made the only choice I thought I could. I decided to take my life but God had another plan. Although He spared my life that cold December night I still did not turn to Him to allow him to clean up my junk.
I will share the rest of my junk drawer at a later date as I am praying for God to lead to that next step.
Monday, November 30, 2009
WHY???
I started this blog over a month ago with a certain purpose in mind. God had called me to began speaking. He called me to began sharing my testimony. Why ??? After about 18 months with no doors opening to speak He impressed on me to start this blog. Why ??? I believe the reason is to share my story. To tell how far he has brought me. Why ??? Will my story really matter ? Will I be able to find the words to fully express how much He has loved me. Why does He love me ??? In the few months. That question of Why, has been in the foremost front of my mind. I pray that in the next few days or weeks He will give me the words to adequately tell you all where I was, how He came to meet me there and how He has walked with me since.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Faithful in little
"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'" Matthew 25:21
This week God has just knocked me over with a lesson I should have learned a long time ago. Back in the summer of 2008 God called me to to began sharing my story of depression, bi-polar, suicide attempts and His saving love, grace and mercy. I spoke a couple of times to our church during special services but God was calling me to do more. In December 2008 I finally agreed with God and even shared with my women's group that I was going to start a speaking ministry. Then I waited and waited and waited. I waited for the right words to come. I waited for an opportunity to speak to be opened to me but these things never came. I prayed for the last several months asking God why he called me to this ministry and then shut all the doors. I felt so lost and alone not able to hear His reply. Finally, early this week as I read the Parable of the Talents, a story I have heard and read since I was little I heard my answer for God. His direct and clear words were, " How can I trust you in the bigger ministry I have called you to if you are not faithful to the little things I have called you to." See there are things that God has told me to do such as speak to a certain person, buy someone groceries or spend more time with Him. These are the small things that I have not been faithful in so therefore, He has not given me the bigger calling. I compare it to a parent not allowing a child to go to a party because they have not fulfilled the agreement to clean their room. Since I have learned this lesson and taken it to heart by asking my Father to forgive me He has opened several doors.
This week God has just knocked me over with a lesson I should have learned a long time ago. Back in the summer of 2008 God called me to to began sharing my story of depression, bi-polar, suicide attempts and His saving love, grace and mercy. I spoke a couple of times to our church during special services but God was calling me to do more. In December 2008 I finally agreed with God and even shared with my women's group that I was going to start a speaking ministry. Then I waited and waited and waited. I waited for the right words to come. I waited for an opportunity to speak to be opened to me but these things never came. I prayed for the last several months asking God why he called me to this ministry and then shut all the doors. I felt so lost and alone not able to hear His reply. Finally, early this week as I read the Parable of the Talents, a story I have heard and read since I was little I heard my answer for God. His direct and clear words were, " How can I trust you in the bigger ministry I have called you to if you are not faithful to the little things I have called you to." See there are things that God has told me to do such as speak to a certain person, buy someone groceries or spend more time with Him. These are the small things that I have not been faithful in so therefore, He has not given me the bigger calling. I compare it to a parent not allowing a child to go to a party because they have not fulfilled the agreement to clean their room. Since I have learned this lesson and taken it to heart by asking my Father to forgive me He has opened several doors.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Welcome to Harmony!
I have been lead to write a blog for the last few months but felt very incompetent as I surfed through bloggerville read all the wonderful tales everyone has to share. The more I read the more the thoughts of, "Am I really capable of writing something that others would want to read and that will think deeper or feel more?" and " Will my words be adequate to be used by God to inspire, uplift and/or encourage other?" Because of my fears and doubts I just wrote in my personal journal but God continued to tug at my heart to share my stories with others. Once I finally said YES to God's calling I was stunned with the way He opened my heart and my eyes to all the ways He has taught and is still teaching my life lessons. It is my prayer that He will use these lessons, as I share them here, to bless you.
Once I came to agree with God about this blogging thing, I tried to find just the "right" title for it. All the other blogs I had been reading had either very cute, catchy or deeply meaningful titles. As I compiled my list I found that what I had come up with was either taken or they didn't really fit. Then one night as I was spending some quite time writing in my journal and praying God spoke to my heart "Living in Harmony". Why did I decide this was perfect title fit for my blog? Harmony is the name of the small community I have called home for the last 22 years. It is the place that God has truly grown my heart to desire to live in harmony with Him. So “Living in Harmony” has the double meaning of the physical place I live as well as the spiritual place I desire to live.
I would love to know about how others came up with the titles to their own place in the cyberspace. I think the title can tell a lot about the blogger and their passion/desire.
Once I came to agree with God about this blogging thing, I tried to find just the "right" title for it. All the other blogs I had been reading had either very cute, catchy or deeply meaningful titles. As I compiled my list I found that what I had come up with was either taken or they didn't really fit. Then one night as I was spending some quite time writing in my journal and praying God spoke to my heart "Living in Harmony". Why did I decide this was perfect title fit for my blog? Harmony is the name of the small community I have called home for the last 22 years. It is the place that God has truly grown my heart to desire to live in harmony with Him. So “Living in Harmony” has the double meaning of the physical place I live as well as the spiritual place I desire to live.
I would love to know about how others came up with the titles to their own place in the cyberspace. I think the title can tell a lot about the blogger and their passion/desire.
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