I grew up knowing about God but not truly knowing God. I knew Him well enough to run to Him when I was in trouble but not enough to abide in Him through all things. My ‘fence-sitting’ was just the opportunity Satan needed. Around the age of 12 I began to doubt God’s, my parents or anyone else’s love for me. I questioned why I was here and if anyone would miss me if I was gone. For the next 15 years I rode the roller coaster that was my life. I had the high ups of graduating, falling in love, getting married and have two beautiful children coupled with the lows of self-doubt, several suicide attempts and daily questions.
Finally by God's divine appointment, my kids attended a small Christian school where one day my daughter had to play on a softball team out of her age range. I wasn’t excited about it (but God knew what he was doing). During the season I met a sweet family that had a peace and joy in their lives I had long craved. Finally one day I inquired what was their source of contentment. The answer - they knew Jesus in a real and personal way. On August 12, 2002 their Jesus introduced Himself to me.
I'd like to say that everything in my life changed immediately and I was instantly a faithful follower of Christ. Truth is for years I remained an acquaintance with Jesus. I met Him only briefly but we certainly weren't on a first name basis. I knew Him but not intimately. He knew my name but I rarely spoke His.
I loved being a part of a church family watching God's miracles of changed lives first hand. But there was a problem … I was a bit jealous. I saw other being changed more in a few months than I had in years. I realized that it was time for me to get serious with God and about God. I was like a baby still drinking milk when I should have at least begun to eat the pureed veggies.
One day in a radio commercial I heard a pastor read a piece of a bible story where Jesus asked a crippled man, “Do you want to be made well?” That question stuck in my head the rest of the day. I decided that night to look up the story and found it in John 5. As I read the question, Do you want to be well? I heard it in my heart more than in my head and I knew God was asking that of me personally. I bowed my head and answered Yes Lord. Since then I have continued to pick up my mat and follow Him as closely as I can.
My life profoundly changed. I am a woman who is continually falling in love with God one day at a time.
Today I speak and write to regular girls like me who just want to know if it's possible to have harmony in everyday life.